Kristina Anne is six months old, and I can hardly believe how much she has grown and changed. These past months have been full of milestones, big emotions, and a kind of joy that can only come from pouring your heart into another person’s life. She’s now 19.5 pounds, full of energy, and her personality shines through more every day. She has also grown 7.5 inches since birth!
I had a small half-birthday party for her last week. It was bittersweet thinking about our first moments together, her tiny body touching my skin for the first time, everything so new to both of us. Everyday my goal is to help her grow, but sometimes I miss when she could scrunch up and fit in my two hands! While she has grown so much physically and developmentally, I, too, have grown. I’ve expanded in my capacity to love and empathize, and I’ve also become more mature and patient. Balancing motherhood with other responsibilities has given me a deeper appreciation for my own mother (and for all mothers!) and has sharpened my time-management skills.
Every time I sing to her or say “I love you,” she lights up with a smile that melts my heart. Watching her discover new things—whether splashing in the bath (her new favorite activity!), laughing at our silly sounds and faces, or even trying her first foods—I get to see the world through her wonder-filled eyes. Her very first tooth is growing in too, so she is extra clingy these days. Her hugs are priceless to me. These moments remind me that true joy doesn’t come from prioritizing one’s own wants and desires, but from giving yourself fully in love.
I played basketball growing up, and the coaches loved to say that “champions are made when no one is watching.” That also applies to motherhood. Your baby won’t thank you for washing their stained clothes or changing the fourth poopy diaper of the day. Even as I write this, I’m pumping fresh milk to mix into purees that will probably get spilled more than eaten! But I’m growing internally in so many ways, and I’m learning that you don’t need outside praise or validation. The quiet resilience and steadfastness of showing up every day for your family, whether recognized or not, strengthens you and builds virtue.
The world often tells young women to “live it up in your twenties,” to focus on themselves, travel, and party while they can. But what I’ve found is that motherhood, far from holding me back, has been the greatest adventure of all. Nothing has pushed me toward deeper growth and self-discovery more than giving myself to my daughter. It is in the late nights, the early mornings, and the countless daily sacrifices that I’ve discovered who I really am. Motherhood asks everything of you—and in return, it gives you more purpose, more joy, and more love than you could have ever imagined.
I got pregnant at 20, gave birth at 21, and I’m now 22. While some people might say that I’m losing myself or wasting my youth, I know I am having the time of my life. When we are elderly, Benson and I will look back on these years of raising babies together and call them the “good old days.”
Yes, there are days when I miss my old routines or wish I could leave the house without a backpack full of diapers and toys and a heavy car seat! But even in those moments, gratitude overflows. Because I know I am living the life I was meant to live. Kristina needs me—and I need her just as much. Giving myself in love to her is the best and most fulfilling act. I am so grateful for Kristina and so grateful to be her mom!
By Bella Fechter
This is part four. Read the other parts below.